Spain has often been the source of inspiration for many movies. Whether it is the spiciness of its people, the sunny inviting weather, the gorgeous architecture or our quaint traditions and celebrations, lots of famous franchises, as well as individual films, have used my lovely country as a location. Some with better results than others.
TOP 4 OF THE WORST SPANISH FEATURES EVER
Poor research does not only end up in disaster, sometimes it also creates hilarious results, which leads us to the four examples that will be analysed and explained below.
1. The Cold Light of Day (2012).
This is the funniest movie ever for any person born or living in Madrid. It is about a guy who tries to save his family from the mysterious organisation that has kidnapped them. The space transitions are incredibly abrupt, careless and chaotic. Not only do the locations not match in the slightest, but also the buildings in the background of every take are really characteristic so it is very easy to identify each place. It has been really difficult to choose just a couple from the countless examples there are so as to not be here all day.
Time And Relative Dimension In Space
The first example, and probably my favourite, is the one where the main character, Will, goes to ‘the closest’ subway station from Fabrik Club, which in the movie is Pitis (about 34km/21mi, a bit more than 7 hours walking), where he gets on a train to go to Puerta del Sol. For some crazy reason, despite it being Puerta del Sol on the outside, the inside of ‘Sol subway station’ is Atocha. They chose literally the most recognisable train station in Madrid and one of the very few places EVERYONE in Madrid knows even no sign posts are shown on camera.
For those of us abiding by the laws of time and space, the whole trip would take over eight hours; for Will, it’s no more than two.
But wait… there’s more!
The second is a bit more complicated but also hilariously absurd, stay with me. Will walks down a ramp in Retiro subway station to go to a bathroom, from where he then walks up some stairs that lead him to El Rastro, where he puts a gun in a trash can. The distance between both places is almost 3km (1.86mi) long! That is one hell of a bathroom ladies and gentlemen.
Incredibly, a little forward in the film, he runs a few steps to get from Nuevos Ministerios to Calle de Alfonso VI and retrieves his gun from a trash can. At the end of said street, he arrives at Callao. How did the gun get there you ask? Well, obviously Will has some sort of teleportation system that uses trash cans as portals, duh!
Conclusion:
Travelling with Will is my ultimate dream goal. He is capable of visiting all the important tourist sites of a city in a day, no matter how far they are from each other! Granted, there is a lot of running and avoiding bullets involved, but it is undoubtedly worth it.
2. Knight and Day (2010).
For those of you who have not watched this film, it is your average ‘Tom Cruise being a super spy’ movie but with Cameron Diaz as a comic relief. Anyways, I am not here to talk about the movie per se, but about one of the best Spainsh-tradition nonsense featured in an American film.
Source: Knight and Day (James Mangold, 2010).
Picture it:
Seville, the girl has been kidnapped by the all-time Spanish bad guy Jordi Mollà and the hero rescues her. The couple escape in a motorcycle from the bad guys, who go by car. They all drive full speed through Seville’s streets, where they encounter a celebration with…giants and big heads? This feels kind of crazy if you are Spanish because this type of celebration is traditional in the north and north-east of Spain, certainly NOT in the south. However, this would not be so remarkable if it weren’t for the additional Sanfermines tagging along in the parade.
Source: Knight and Day (James Mangold, 2010).
For a Spanish person, to watch the encierros happen in Seville (of course with no protection fences whatsoever) when they are supposed to happen in Pamplona is as mind blowing as watching hula dancing in the north pole. For this reason, I would like to thank whoever it was that did not feel like investigating or caring in the slightest about our culture: you truly have created a once in a lifetime experience for us and for anyone who knows about San Fermín.
3. Mission Impossible 2 (2000).
Just when we thought this compilation could not get any crazier, here comes another ‘Tom Cruise being a super spy’ movie to prove us wrong. Get ready, there is an even better, crazier, and more hilarious remix of Spanish traditions coming up.
Picture it:
Seville, Holy Week, there is a procession going on. A procession with holy statues…burning?! And people walking with torches? Are they looking for Frankenstein’s monster or something?! I can only imagine the war that would break in Seville if someone dared to even think of doing something like THAT to a holy statue.
Unsatisfied with that, this pyromaniac procession features San Fermín runners and falleras, who are the traditional representatives of the Fallas, in VALENCIA, where they do burn satirical statues once a year. This procession ends in front of a stage with more falleras and a Catalonian crest on it. Then, just in case you feel like all of this falls short, they start burning a falla (or maybe it is also a holy statue?) in a giant pyre.
During this scene, Ethan’s boss, Commander Swanbeck (Anthony Hopkins), actually says ‘Festival’s a pain in the ass. Honouring their saints by setting them on fire. Lets you know what they think of saints, doesn’t it?‘. Well, I am not sure about what his conclusion was, but it certainly lets me know their ignorance level.
4. Furious 6 (2013).
During this movie, Spain is barely shown. However, in the tiny window there is to fail, this film proves that it is always possible when you make the proper effort. The place shown is the Canary Islands, a Spanish territory abiding, obviously, by Spanish laws. This, for all you criminals out there, means IT HAS EXTRADITION. Just like any other Spanish region. You’re welcome.
Source: Furious 6 (Justin Lin, 2013).
Do not listen to Toretto (Vin Diesel) or Elena (Elsa Pataky). The fact that they repeat the same nonsense over and over does not make their statements any less ridiculous or false.
To be fair, this mistake, which is not even that relevant in the plot of the movie, wouldn’t even have made it to this compilation if it weren’t for the fact that Elena is played by Elsa Pataky, SPANISH ACTRESS, which makes the situation a tad more outrageous.
Source: Furious 6 (Justin Lin, 2013).
TOP 4 OF THE BEST SPANISH FEATURES EVER
Not everything is going to be failures of Spanish representation in foreign movies. There are also films were clearly created after proper basic research on the locations used and the traditions mentioned or shown. These are four of the best examples out there.
1. The Bourne Ultimatum (2007).
Source: The Bourne Ultimatum (Paul Greengrass, 2007).
Part of this film takes place in Madrid. Thankfully, they are quite cautious with what they show, something The Cold Light of Day could have learned from but decided not to so that Madrid-based audiences could enjoy a hilarious movie. But let’s not get carried away just because they know how to use typically Spanish details such as taxis and certain locations.
A relevant detail to mention, and the reason why I chose this movie for the ranking is this: when Bourne gets to the portal of the building he was looking for, he spies (no pun intended) from the corner of his eye a couple of national policemen. The clothes these men are wearing are so faithful to reality that you can roughly tell the date of the movie thanks to their peaked hats, a design that disappeared from the regular uniform a couple of years after the movie was released.
Source: The Bourne Ultimatum (Paul Greengrass, 2007).
Sadly, there is also a tiny little problem in the movie: the police response time. Maybe it is different in the US, but in Spain it is NOT usual to hear gunshots in a house. You hear gunshots, you call the police. And they are most likely going to make that top priority and not take hours to get there, unlike in the movie.
2. The World Is Not Enough (1999).
Following up on the police response time theme, this a great example of accuracy. The opening scene takes place in Bilbao (a city in the north of Spain). Drama ensues, as does when you are James Bond, and gunshots eventually take place in the private office of a bank. The police appear about five minutes after these shots are heard. I am not saying it is going to be like that all the time, but it is so much more realistic. Sorry Bourne, Bond beat you this time.
Source: The World is not Enough (Michael Apted, 1999).
3. Wild Oats (2016).
This comedy is mostly located in Gran Canaria, a Spanish island situated in the south of Spain and west of Africa. The hotel where the main characters stay at, as well as the outdoor locations, are completely real and accurate. The ride from the airport to the hotel doesn’t make much sense, but let’s be honest, any self-respecting taxi driver lengthens the route a bit when carrying tourists.
Source: Wild Oats (Andy Tennant, 2016).
4. Domino (2019).
Source: Domino (Brian de Palma, 2019).
The last part of this movie takes place in Almeria and, following the cautiousness of The Bourne Ultimatum, it shows just the necessary spaces to keep the story going. Does it show a bullring? Why yes it does. Does it also show the Fallas, the Sanfermines and the Holy Week? No, it does not because it is NOT NECESSARY, TOM CRUISE!!
Bullfighting aside, part of the action in Almeria also takes place at a bar, which is the most popular type of establishment in Spain and, as well as the bullring, it makes sense within the plot, so bonus points for this movie. They even include a shot of the real road from Malaga to Almeria, which is an awesome detail. It is this fidelity to reality, and its engaging plot, that make this movie my favourite out of the four of this classification.
What did you think of these films?
Do you know any other cases of misrepresented Spain or movies with outlandish cultural references? I would love to know your opinions and share your knowledge so don’t hesitate to comment below or leave a message in my contact page! For more reviews and cinema related articles check out the rest of my blog! 😀
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