• Release year: 2024
• Director: Morihito Inoue.
• Producers: Masayuki Nagata and Naoki Okamoto.
• Screenplay by: Morihito Inoue.
• Music by: Yuzuru Jinma.

Shotgun Commentary: which part of “resurrected prehistoric sharks attack people in an onsen in Japan” didn’t you understand? Obviously it’s awesome!

Intro

Closing the first day of Semana de Cine Fantástico y de Terror (Week of Fantasy and Horror Cinema) was Onsen Shark (2024). Honestly, it’s hard to imagine a more fitting movie for this end. It’s cheeky comedy and inordinate amounts of very fake blood. The embodiment of everything the festival stands for: having the greatest of times watching the craziest of films.

The writer and director of this absolute masterpiece, Morihito Inoue, was present for the occasion. His friendly demeanour and excitement matching that of the spectators, who didn’t hesitate to cheer him after every sentence he spoke, not even waiting for the translator to actually explain what had been said. Inoue totally won over the audience with his Onsen Shark themed kimono and his plastic shark. A pet that is actually featured in the movie. His introduction was the perfect warm-up for what was about to be a mind-blowing experience.

Review

A rollercoaster of nonsense

Onsen Shark, original title Onsen shâku, and sometimes referred to as Hotspring SharkAttack, is exactly what it sounds like: sharks attacking people in onsens (hotsprings). The premise is insane. It is made clear from the very beginning that things will only get weirder, and you just have to roll with it. Like an aquatic Japanese version of Airplane! (1980), this film concentrates all the possible stereotypes of a shark-themed movie and blends them into a gorgeous mix that will leave you crying with laughter.

Unsurprisingly, the narrative figures out a scientific-looking explanation for the fact that sharks get inside pipes to attack people, managing to be… Pretty successful, actually. While it won’t be revealed in this review, suffice to say, it is really creative. In fact, the whole feature is solid proof of Inoue’s limitless imagination and unique skills for horror parody.

Flawless characters

From the policeman about to retire, to the greedy politician whose daddy issues have run the city to the ground, every character is unique and an exaggerated embodiment of the regulars at all shark films. The best, by far, being the GigaChad character. He is a mysterious man who surfaces from the water without any explanation, fist-fights sharks, makes subs, and wears a Bath Diver T-shirt. Does he have any backstory explaining why he’s so strong and fearless? No. Does he need one? Not really, no.

Another great innovation for the genre is the portrayal of female characters. They are just as extra and slightly ridiculous as the male characters. However, Inoue has managed to prove that one can make a killer shark movie just as entertaining without naked women. In fact, the lack of sexist rich men ordering women around like they are dumb sex slaves makes the whole experience a lot more pleasant for those of us who don’t particularly enjoy the perpetuation of prehistoric patriarchal values.

The cream of the crop

That being said, it’s time to talk about the cherry on top of this feature: the special effects. To say that the special effects are bad is selling it short and being wrong at the same time. They are so incredibly terrible that they manage to be the perfect comedic resource for the action scenes of the account.

Utilising toys, small plastic sharks, and fake tiny corpses to play with the scale of things is the cheapest, most effective way to create the goriest scenes on a budget. Using a toy crane to make a 3D printer look huge is only one of many, MANY, object comparisons that are meant to give you an idea of what the story is supposed to be while, at the very least, making you giggle uncontrollably at the absurdity of it all.

All in all, Onsen Shark is the best film a shark-themed horror lover can ever watch. If appeals to all ages over 15, regardless of your usual genre preferences. One can say that without any fear of being wrong after watching one’s shark-horror-hating mother cry of laughter during the screening. If you ever need a pick-me-up, do give this film a try, you won’t regret it.

Advice to take from this movie:

• Always take a sub when you are about to get in a sub.
• Never underestimate shark’s disregard for physics or logic.
• Every animal lover has their breaking point.

What’s your take? Have you watched Onsen Shark? Don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts in the comments section below, or leave a message in my contact page! For more reviews and cinema-related articles, check out the rest of my blog! 😀