• Release year: 2023
• Director: Kenneth Branagh.
• Producers: Kenneth Branagh, Judy Hofflund, Simon Kinberg and Ridley Scott.
• Screenplay by: Michael Green.
• Cinematographer: Haris Zambarloukos.
• Music by: Hildur Guðnadóttir.

Shotgun commentary: Underwhelming mystery, beautifully gift-wrapped.

Review

I am a big fan (and I mean BIG fan, borderline obsessed) of the mystery genre. Whether it’s books, podcasts, TV shows or films, give me a dead person and a list of suspects (maybe a tea and a blanket too) and I’m happy. However, this mystery didn’t quite hit the spot.

While the aesthetics are very pleasing, mostly because post-WWII style rules, and the editing is incredible, following the tempo of the storyline exquisitely, the plot itself was quite meh. I would try to find a more fashionable word, but meh is really the best way to describe it, and I can pinpoint the two reasons behind this occurrence.

Promises, promises…

A Haunting in Venice has mostly been promoted as this incredibly spooky (’tis the season, after all) mystery. I even read somewhere something in the lines of “the scariest Poirot mystery yet”. This marketing narrative has of course been supported by the trailers, which show all (and I mean ALL) the jump scares and tension moments of the films.

Nevertheless, I believed this campaign and went to the cinema all hyped to see a scary whodunnit, which is probably my favourite cinema genre ever. However, before the movie started, I saw the age disclaimer: 12 years old or older. This made me suspect that what I was about to see was not nearly as scary as I thought. That, or 12 years old are way braver now than I was at their age, which to be fair wouldn’t be much of an accomplishment since I was fairly easily scared by anything slightly eerie.

Unfortunately, A Haunting in Venice did not deliver what the marketing promised but was the disclaimer implied, which is why my review is way different than I thought it would be. The trailer had indeed spoiled absolutely all the tension/horror moments of the film, making the experience as thrilling as putting away your clothes from the drying rack.

In addition to this, there is the mystery itself, which had all the odds to surprise me but deflated along with my horror expectations.

If it looks like a duck…

I grew up reading Agatha Christie novels, but I was lucky enough to not have read “Halloween Party”. In my defence, I have to say that the literal translation in Spanish is “The Apples”, which didn’t feel like a very attractive subject for a kid. Had the title been properly translated, I’d be singing a very different tune. But back to the matter at hand, the film had the unfamiliarity factor as an advantage to surprise me, an edge that only served to disappoint me further.

I’ll level with you, if I manage to solve a mystery before the main character does, which doesn’t happen very often, it is usually right before the final reveal. I am not especially quick at solving mysteries, which is why I love them, they keep my head busy. Having said this, even I know that there is only one reason why a cynic atheist detective would see unexplained supernatural phenomena. Well, two if we count mirrors and all that Scooby-Doo stuff, but only one if you want to make the plot as simple as possible.

Simplicity at its worst

And therein lies the issue for me: the plot was too simple. Everything happens for the most obvious reasons so what comes next is always very predictable, jump scares included I’m afraid, although the trailer also helps with that. The only unexpected, or should I say, unforeseeable explanations are the ones Poirot pulls out of thin air. A very Poirot thing to do anyway, so quite expected in fact.

To be honest, a detective witnessing weird supernatural stuff and running around to explain the unexplainable while bodies keep dropping reminds me a lot of Sherlock Holmes (2009). However, that story was a lot more complex and had a lot more research involved, or at least it gives that impression, since there is an actual scientific explanation for every supernatural thing that happens. A Haunting in Venice is, “in comparison, more akin to a finger painting”, as Sherlock (RDJ) would say.

Big stars, big performances

Fortunately, not everything about the film is disappointing, the cast is absolutely fantastic. While Branagh insists on wearing the most ridiculous moustache that Poirot is known for, nothing else distracts you from the story, since all the performances are spot on. Personally, I would have liked for Michelle Yeoh to have a more relevant role to the story, maybe even exchange roles between her and Tina Fey. But alas, I can’t really complain, both of them have done a fantastic job, as predicted, and so has the rest of the cast. It is a pity that their talent wasn’t matched by the cinematic adaptation, but I look forward to reading the book regardless of knowing the end of the story.

Advice to take from this movie:

• If someone looks a little bit obsessed about something, it is because they are.
• The bigger the moustache, the more irrelevant your acting skills.
• If you’re supposed to be doing something important, leave the ghost busting for later.

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