- Release year: 2024
- Director: Jake Kasdan.
- Producers: Dany Garcia, Hiram Garcia, Dwayne Johnson, Jake Kasdan, Melvin Mar, and Chris Morgan.
- Screenplay by: Chris Morgan.
- Cinematography by: Dan Mindel.
- Music by: Henry Jackman.
Synopsis: Santa Claus is kidnapped and his bodyguard will search for him with the help of a tracker.
Shotgun Commentary: one of the most boring action films ever made.
Review
Red One is one of those Christmas films you really don’t need to watch. Sure, the cast is promising, and the premise, albeit worn out, could still work with enough imagination and humour added to the mix. Sadly, not even the funniest joke in the world could save this undeniable waste of time.
Entrées
Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans)—not the cat from The Aristocats (1970), the human—is a world-renowned tracker who can find anyone, anywhere. He’s hired by some bad guys to find Santa Claus, or Nick (J. K. Simmons), as they call him in this film. After Nick, who going by his name is clearly going through some sort of mid-life crisis, is abducted by the bad guys, O’Malley is contacted by the good guys to find him before Christmas night so the celebration can be saved.
To do so, he must team up with Callum (Dwayne Johnson) and Zoe (Lucy Liu). The first one is Santa’s bodyguard, and the second is criminally underused as the director of a secret agency that deals with mythological creatures.
At this point, it might be worth suggesting that, had the film been MiB (1997) type of story, it might have actually been worth watching. In fact, they were sitting on a gold mine of fantasy potential with a great cast but decided that the residuals of a Christmas movie were worth more… to each their own, I guess.
Main course
Bringing this frightfully dull film to “life” are Chris Evans and Dwayne Johnson, both in roles they’ve played a million times before. Evans plays a lovable rogue who can find anything except for Santa Claus or a personality. Jack is a single father who has no intention of acting like a father at any point at the beginning of the film, yet magically changes his mind about his whole work and life ethic in the course of less than twenty-four hours. Why? How? If you find an answer that is not “because the script says so”, do leave it in the comments. I double dare you.
As for Johnson, he’s playing the tough guy with a heart of gold that we’ve seen a million times, only this time he is not funny about it. Someone didn’t get the memo that they need to add jokes to his characters, and the result is a cardboard cut-out that could’ve been substituted by a Roomba and would probably gain in charisma and wow factor.
Reflux
Completing the quartet of big stars who have no business being in a movie as bad as this one are Lucy Liu and J. K. Simmons. Liu plays Zoe, the tough boss of the supernatural agency who, for whatever reason, needs to outsource all of her operations to freelancers and agents from E.L.F. (aka Callum). Not to throw any shade or anything, but doesn’t her agency have the budget or resources to conduct a search themselves? Especially since they are supposed to be the experts on the matter. Just saying…
Simmons, for his part, manages to prove that there is a role even more irrelevant than Liu’s: his. Despite playing Santa, arguably the most important person of the holidays, he spends most of the time taking a nap. His role is even more irrelevant than the one he had for The Accountant 2 (2025), so if you’ve watched that one, you know what to expect.
All in all, Red One is the type of Christmas movie you would expect ChatGPT to write. All the clichés are there, but the Christmas spirit, the humour, and the pzazz are nowhere to be found. If you happen to have painted a wall not too long ago, I recommend you go watch the paint dry for a bit instead of this film.
Advice to take from this movie:
- There are only so many ways you can tell the same story. If you have nothing to add, don’t bother.
- A famous cast won’t fix a horrible story.
- If you’re looking for a movie to kill your Christmas spirit, look no further.
What’s your take? Have you watched Red One? Don’t hesitate to let me know your thoughts in the comments section below, or leave a message on my contact page! For more reviews and cinema-related articles, check out the rest of my blog! 😀